Welllll. . .I may have boasted about the ease of this cleanse a teensy bit too much yesterday. Â Wow! Â Day three did kick my booty for sure! Â But, even though the temptation was almost insurmountable, I did NOT eat.
So, what happened? Â What happened to my NOTICING but not ATTACHING onto thoughts? Â What happened to ALLOWING whatever is happening to happen? I’m not completely sure, but I did notice around 1 p.m. that I began a downward spiral into being pissed off that I couldn’t have anything to eat, as if a gun were being pointed to my head. Â Sometime when I was making lunch for the boys the thought “this looks good” coupled with the rumblings in my belly and the hint of a headache at the base of my neck turned things haywire in my brain. Â “This looks good” turned to “It’s not fair that I have to cook this when I am fasting” to “Why do these darned kids have to eat anyway!” Â I forgot to nip the thoughts in the bud at “this looks good”.
What I noticed as my thoughts began spiraling into a downward dive is that my body did as well. Â I had aches and pains everywhere and I noticed that I was really focused on them. Â I couldn’t seem to just allow them and go on, I had to get a little irritated, a little mad at everyone and a little sick of the fast. Â I wanted to BLAME the fast!!! Â I wanted to BLAME, period. Â I forgot that this was a gift to myself. Â I forgot that it was really healing my body. Â I just wanted a bite of chicken, darn it!
Things simmered down a bit when I went to take myself a long hot bubble bath.  I took with me some herbal spearmint tea.  I soaked.  I allowed.  And, I felt much better.  I remembered the reasons for starting the fast.  I remembered that I love myself enough to abstain from food for a few days.  I thought about the benefits and how giving up would be having to start all over again.  I read anarticle about fasting and it’s benefits.  I re-motivated myself.  My thoughts simmered down.  I made peace with the fast again.
On day four, I plan to nip thoughts in the bud before I start following them down the seductive trail of despair. Â I am a mom and my kids DO have the right to eat and they have the right to eat healthy meals. Â I am the one that prepares them. Â I MUST be around food during this fast. Â That’s “what IS”. Â That is what I am going to accept on Day four. Â And my “thoughts” about “What Is” really mean nothing. Â I AM doing this fast. Â I AM giving this to myself as a gift. Â My thoughts about it really have no relevance, so why follow them?